Where did you get a picture of my penis
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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