I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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