Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
