god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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