woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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