My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
