Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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