apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
