The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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