omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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