i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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