Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
