We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
