dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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