It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
