Where did you get a picture of my penis
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
