My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
