Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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