Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Randomize
