hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
