Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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