Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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