he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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