tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
