he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
