I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's rum buckets o'clock
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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