I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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