we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
