I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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