I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
