I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
