Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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