nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
