all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
