God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
420 ftw
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
