I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
