Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
