she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
