I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
whose parrot is this?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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