wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
