i don't like sucking hair
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
