i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
