if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
