I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
