Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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