chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
