I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
