So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
