i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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