Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
