he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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