the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
