ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
