How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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