After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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