She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you are never too drunk for berry picking
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
