You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
