she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
