I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
