I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize