He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
