No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
