Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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