..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
