I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
