I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
