you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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