why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
