If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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