If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and she was petting her beer can
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
