I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize