if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
How's work?
Spinning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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