dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
